St. Mary's of the Pricy Moo! (Do you guys take plasma?)

St. Mary’s of the Pricy Moo! (Do you guys take plasma?)
By Jon Slone








Wow, you guys eat at Arby’s much?

I didn’t know they made a nine dollar sandwich? It’s called a regular roast beef.

Are you kidding me.

If this keeps up they’re gonna have to add alternative methods for payment.

Maybe at the drive-thru they could add another window where you could hock family air looms or maybe a spacious aperture where some guy with a needle could drain off some of your plasma or blood (That’s if you want two sandwiches of course)

Jeez Louise.

They need to rename Arby’s: St. Mary’s of the Pricy Moo!

These numbers are ludicrous.

Have a listen:

Me: Hi, can I get three regular roast beef sandwiches, a small drink and a kid’s meal.
Arby’s: Would you like to donate a dollar to the “Help-me-leave-Arby’s-and-get-a-real-job fund?
Me: No thanks, I’m pretty sure this outlay is already gonna dip into my house payment.
Arby’s: You’re probably right about that sir (Sinister chuckle) thank you for your patronage…is the screen correct sir?
Me: I don’t know, the screen reads thirty seven dollars!
Arby’s: Yes sir, that is correct.
Me: Uh, yeah…scratch that first order…can I get one roast beef fold-over, a used kid’s toy and a small fry…I’ll take cold fries if that knocks off a few extra coppers.
Arby’s: Sir, we don’t do fold-over’s.
Me: Okay, what about a few roast beef leavings from the end of one of your roast beef slabs? It’s okay if some of said orts have been on the floor.
Arby’s: Sir I work at Arby’s and as such, I am completely in the dark as to the meaning of the words, leavings and orts. But if I may be so bold as to go by the contextual clues then I’m going to suppose you mean scraps?
Me: Yes I do.
Arby’s: (silence)
Me: Okay, how ‘bout this…cold fries, deformed toy, Dixie cup with water and a junior roast beef?
Arby’s: Okay sir, that’ll be 14 dollars and 87 cents.
Me: Do you guys take plasma?
Arby’s: I’m sorry, what?
(The sound of a car with a kid seat in the back screeching off)
Arby’s: Sir?...Hello, sir?
Me: Come on MacKenzie, let’s try the Bennett Point Grill.



Jon I-need-my-plasma Slone



By the by, this is what I look like everytime me and my wallet leave Arby's: