Chicago's the greatest

Chicago's the greatest

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Gotye is tasty like applesauce and peaches

Gotye is tasty like applesauce and peaches
By Jon Slone

Seriously…when you are compelled to write about some new musical artist, that has to be your first sign that said musician is quite good. For I don’t think, nay, I am certain that I would not undertake to sift precious time away from toiling at my prodigious novel to tell you about some dude across the pond unless the “Dude across the pond” was really really good.

Gotye is the name ladies and germs. Remember it well for I dare say it will bode nicely atop your mouth-watering new-artist shelf.

From here, I will try to be brief.

Great music plus great voice equals Gotye! He is an avid gatherer of odd noises and deep seeker of bizarre things to whack at with a pair of drum sticks. Gotye also can warble his butt off (He sounds like Sting and looks like his illegitimate son….no lie)
If you like odd music, neat sounds, sonic poetry, cool lyrics, something real and fresh and new, The Police and dudes that favor Gordon Sumner than look no further than Gotye. Pronounced (go tea YAY)

Best songs in my opinion would be:
Somebody that I used to know
Thanks for your time
State of the art
Easy way out
Eyes wide open
Save me
I feel better

Gotye is definitely worth thirty minutes of your time. Give him a try. Also, as of right now, his song, “Somebody that I used to know” is number 5 on the Billboard Top 100 list. That equates to a smash hit!

Jon Goatteeyay Slone

Fuh-realz, this guy really does look like Sting!

...did you think I was kidding?

Friday, March 9, 2012

Yeah, we got'em! (you get the L!)

Yeah, we got’em! (you get the L!)
By Jon Slone

We had a Sheppard who could leap for days and days!
We had a Meeks servin’ J’s & Trey’s on trays!
We were born to shine
You were poised for pine.
We hangin’ banners like its wash on a clothes line!
We droppin’ three’s good and plenty, rockin’ Rims like Kenny.
We got the jets in our bounce like our name was Bennie

We got the best fans ever in every pew.
The BBN is in your house and it’s packed with blue!
The throng is strong yo, the crew’s sensational!
Cat-lanta, the Maui Invitational!

You go against Kentucky and it’s an Aft-Climb!
You’re dead and buried and it ain’t even half-time!
So hang anutha blood-letting in the win column.
If yer lookin’ for the team with the most, yeah we got’em!

We in your brain ‘til it wanes and waxes numb.
Your little team is tucked under Kentucky’s thumb!
We was kickin’ and clawin’ and ballin’ at birth!
Now we’re all-in like a flood that blankets the earth!
If this world is a stage then Rupp is the best!
We gonna see which posse can dance the best!
We droppin’ wins like our fingers were covered in grease.
The Godfather of the game and you’re just the niece!
Our fate is eight and then it’s nine while you rock the bottom.
If you wanna see stars in the light, yeah we got’em!

We had a Kevin Grevey and a Cotton Nash.
And a Winston Bennett and a Monster Mash!

We had a Jorts and a Jones and a Dirk and Mills.
We had a Prince and a Knight and a King for realz.
And a Tony and a Walt and a Derek and Toine.
And a Nazr and a Mark, Jeff, Wayne and Ron!

It’s like this ya’ll
It’s like that ya’ll
We had an Issel for a Pistol and a Pratt ya’ll!
It’s like that ya’ll
It’s like this ya’ll
We had a Rex and he was King and he could ball ya’ll!

We got the Goose
We got the Wall
We’re Unforgettable.
You’re not at all!
We’re getting’ eight
Then getting’ nine!
We push ahead
You lag behind.

We got the Davis
And Michael Kidd
We on a run boy
You on a skid!
We got the Darius
He’s gonna carry us!
We got the Teague
Best in the League!
We got the Three Goggs
We got the Kyle
They tickle twine so much it makes the rim smile!

We’re getting’ eight
Then getting’ nine!
We push ahead
You lag behind!
We are the mist
That drives the nail.
You come to Rupp
You get the L!

Jon 8 Slone

Monday, March 5, 2012

Peter Von Stephen McPrune

Peter Von Stephen McPrune
By Jon Slone

To sup with Peter Von Stephen McPrune.
Is something you won’t forget any time soon!
For dinning, according to one Mr. Stephen,
Is a maze where the meal has to balance out even.

And there has to be something on his plate that’s white.
And there has to be drink for his very last bite.
And his Waldorf salad can never be dry.
And his tuna can never be cooped up on rye.
And he has to have garden-fresh, hot-house tomatoes.
And his carrots can never touch his peas or potatoes.
And his top-ranking starch has to sit there and fast.
Cause Prune doesn’t spoon up that starch until last!

To sup with Peter Von Stephen McPrune.
Is something you won’t forget any time soon!
For dinning, according to one Mr. Stephen,
Is a maze where the meal has to balance out even.
He nibbles some noodle. He pulls at some pork.
He props-up some peas on his platinum fork.
He pinches off pieces of Pennyworth Ham.
Then he lathers his biscuit in Bawberry Jam.
He gobbles some Chokecherry Tart with a grin.
Then a peck of potato-cake finds its way in.

But what if his food found a mind of its own?
And a small piece of pork, were there not on the bone.
And the ice cream’s ah plenty with a shortage of cone.
And the butter’s in bloom but there’s scarcely a scone.

And there’s two little peas next to ten little beans.
And there’s hardly no ham and he’s scarfed-up his greens.

And there’s leftover lobster but he’s lacking in leek.
And the taters are waning from his Bubble and Squeak.

And there’s no more Jam, save a wee bit of Jelly.
And his soup has all sunk to the foot of his belly.

What then, what then, oh my, what then?
What a pickle poor Pete would find himself in!

To sup with Peter Von Stephen McPrune.
Is something you won’t forget any time soon!
For dinning, according to one Mr. Stephen,
Is a maze where the meal has to balance out even.

Jon HBM Slone

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Harry's Teeth

Harry’s Teeth
By Jon Slone

My sis got his tresses in no small measure!
And the outright propensity for finding lost treasure.
And Keith got the Arkansas Toothpick and sheath.
And all that I got was my Dad’s crooked teeth!

And Scott got the gift of gab from my father.
And Trent got the bent to be quite the big bother.
And Ben got his voice
So he sits and he swings.
And he sings with his shiny wooden box strung with strings.
And Jim got his hops.
Or some call it ups.
And Mike got his case of collapsible cups.
And Jill got his smile.
And the smarts went to Heath.
And all that I got was my Dad’s crooked teeth!

Say what?

You’re curious to know what they look like for real?!
Okay, but you gotta like promise not to squeal!

Some have a point
And some are quite blunt.
And some face sideways
And some face front.
And some like to fester and some like to smother.
And some in one section are stacked on each other.
And one tooth on top likes to stick out real good.
And there’s one that’s so brown that you’d swear it was wood!

Yeah, tell me about it!

I could have been blessed, as was Courtney or Keith.
But instead, for my turn, someone gave me these teeth!

Harry’s Teeth.
Dad’s teeth.
Gross and eee gads teeth!

Busted-up choppers with hope headin’ south.
Cause it looks like a pipe bomb went off in my mouth!

I swear on a carrot with coins underneath.
May you never inherit a bunch of these teeth!

Jon Meandmyarrow Slone

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Pamela Toad

Pamela Toad
By Jon Slone

Don’t take from that Pam, not even a suture.
Cause Pam’s gonna want something for it in the future!

She’ll show you a smile.
And clothe you a while.
Then sit for a season to simmer and smolder.

Cause Pam’s pretty favors wear invisible tags.
And the tags tote prices too heavy to shoulder.

So don’t need a nickel near Pamela Toad.
Cause Pam’s gonna take way more down the road!

Jon metoneonce Slone

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

fun. is fun!

fun. is fun!
By Jon Slone

I just discovered the band, fun. less than twenty four hours ago. They are so refreshingly wonderful that I was compelled to write about them straightaway.

All of the musicians (3) are tops in their field and played prominent roles in the three disbanded groups from whence they came. In that regard, they’re like a super-group.
The lead singer (Nate Ruess) is the best. He sings not only through the roof, but through the first layer of low-lying clouds what scoot in constantly to hear this man croon. Their arrangements and overall sound are like a croissant, endless peels of sonic nourishment and then some.

My favorite songs are, Some Nights, We are young, Why am I the one, All alone, Stars, Walking the Dog and All the pretty girls. The last two songs are from their first album, Aim and Ignite. The others are fresh from their new release, Some Nights, which just became available for purchase today.

Something about their music makes my insides feel like they’re sliding down a Skittles Rainbow whilst eating Turkish Delight and watching Picture Pages on the Telly!

Is that a bad thing?

Bottom line: fun. Is FUN!

Jon fun-liker Slone


Friday, February 17, 2012

One Dumb Page

One Dumb Page
By Jon Slone

Something is wrong with a page in my book.
It’s page 99 if you wanna take a look.
It might be the flu or its stomach’s upset.
But the page isn’t hard and the words are still wet!

I looked a bit closer
I was paper to chin.
Then I lost my darn footing and I fell right in!

The book was real good
I liked that Corey.
And Lori who lived in the town Hunky Dorey.
The dialogue was sweet
It was gruesome and gory.
Then one dumb page went and ruined the story!

I’m stuck in this book!
It’s a thick paper cage!

Maybe you’ll see me when you turn the page.

A word to the wise
For those I’ve not met.
Stay back a safe ways
If the words are still wet!

Jon Still-In Slone

Monday, February 13, 2012


By Jon Slone

Kratticus Cutpurse had a very odd handle.
And he lumbered through life wearing only one sandal.
And was known about town as a bit of a vandal.
And he scribed his tall-tales neath a flicker-less candle.

Kratticus Cutpurse had a name that couldn’t worsen.
And he trudged with one shoe on his poorly-shod person.
And the scuttlebutt labeled Mr. Cutpurse, a crook.
And in darkness he penned his perpendings for a book.

Kratticus Cutpurse had a strange appellation.
And he lived on one loafer due to heavy inflation.
And he burgled so often that they all called him Snatches.
And he scored in the shadows cause he couldn’t afford matches.

This feller had a name that most people would butcher.
To boot, this here quack only laced up one clog.
And in times of great lack this boy’s bent was to borrow.
And he laid forth his thoughts in the pitch of north Prague.

Weird name, weird name, whatcha gonna do?
Like, why the long face, Mr. One Shoe, One Shoe?
You be a pick-pocket-pro, be a pro, bro…
Maybe you should go write your stories in the snow though.

Jon K.C. Slone

Friday, February 10, 2012

Smelt TheBud LongDrink's Top 100 Movies Of All Time

Smelt TheBud LongDrink's Top 100 Movies Of All Time
By Jon Slone

You guys have suffered long enough. And now, the wait is finally over. Here are my top 100 movies of all time! Enjoy and drop me some thoughts on the subject.

Also, I believe there was some confusion with my last post. I wasn’t listing some of my favorite movies….I was posting some of my favorite frames or frozen stills from movies, literally just a photograph that by itself inspired me, a frozen moment in celluloid time that rocks me to the core. For instance, ET. I don’t like that movie at all. But that image of the bike and the boy and the moon…..awesome. Go back and look at that post again.

1. The Count of Monte Cristo
2. Star Wars (1977)
3. Stardust
4. Bridge to Terabithia
5. Almost Famous
6. The Shawshank Redemption
7. Limitless
8. The Game
9. Cold Mountain
10. Pulp Fiction
11. Road to Perdition
12. The Negotiator
13. Se7en
14. Casino Royale
15. Empire Strikes Back
16. Superman (1978)
17. The Princess Bride
18. 16 Blocks
19. The Matrix
20. Raiders of the Lost Ark
21. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
22. Good Will Hunting
23. American Werewolf in London
24. A Knight’s Tale
25. Disney’s Peter Pan
26. 3:10 to Yuma
27. Rocky
28. Young Frankenstein
29. Shaun of the Dead
30. Signs
31. Open Range
32. Ravenous
33. The Fugitive
34. Jurassic Park
35. Juno
36. Wolf
37. Breakdown
38. Taken
39. Shooter
40. Dreamcatcher
41. Goodfellas
42. Planes, Trains and Automobiles
43. L. A. Confidential
44. A Simple Plan
45. A Time to Kill
46. The Neverending Story
47. Once
48. Groundhog Day
49. The Goonies
50. In The Line of Fire
51. Narrow Margin
52. The Silence of the Lambs
53. Braveheart
54. The Hunted
55. Les Miserables
56. Death Sentence
57. First Blood
58. The Vanishing
59. Rob Roy
60. About Schmidt
61. Excalibur
62. Leon the Professional
63. The Natural
64. Deliverance
65. The Boondock Saints
66. That Thing You Do
67. Cinderella Man
68. Iron Man
69. Jaws
70. The Village
71. The Prestige
72. Kiss the Girls
73. Wrong Turn
74. Silver Streak
75. Romancing the Stone
76. The Departed
77. For your eyes only
78. School of Rock
79. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
80. A Series of Unfortunate Events
81. Sense and Sensibility
82. Pineapple Express
83. Saw
84. Disney’s The Jungle Book
85. Dazed and Confused
86. Fargo
87. The Hangover
88. Meet Joe Black
89. Castaway
90. Sideways
91. Bourne Identity
92. Quest for fire
93. Secretariat
94. Gangs of New York
95. Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium
96. Wizard of OZ
97. Cop Land
98. Employee of the month
99. Zorro the Gay Blade
100. The Passion of the Christ

Jon Movie-Maven Slone

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Fourteen thousand words

Fourteen thousand words
By Jon Slone

I am very at home in a movie theatre. I am a very visual person. Combine those two things with the old adage, “A picture’s worth a thousand words,” and you will appreciate the rationale behind this post.

Here are some of my favorite images from movies and television. Pictures that blew me away, fanned into flames, my creativity and had an overall lasting influence on my life.

If I had to pick a favorite, I would probably go with Mr. Jones being chased by a bolder. How can you beat that timeless portrait.


Jon 21 Slone

Friday, February 3, 2012

Big Jesus, little jon, tuba player, fake blood guy

Big Jesus, little jon, tuba player, fake blood guy
By Jon Slone

Growing up, I had the honor of portraying our Lord and Savior in a great number of overgenerous productions. In four or five different churches, spanning two states, ranging from 1988 to 2005, I had the indescribably wonderful opportunity to pretend to be Jesus.

And it was awesome!

Of course, it was always the most challenging of roles, let’s not forget that.

Christ was, is, and will always be, perfect! In other words, there’s just no bouncing back from flubbing a line whilst expatiating the B-attitudes, or worse, forgetting a speech altogether and just standing there in a white robe looking like Helen Keller at a pep rally.

Not cool.

Mostly, my fondest memories come from the times spent at Greystone Baptist Church, where I played Jesus in about five or six different productions from 1994 to 2002.

On one such outing, maybe 1996, something almost catastrophic happened. Most assuredly it was hilarious.

Here is what transpired.

When we did these Jesus productions, they were always rendered, huge, epic if you will. Go big or go home right. That means I actually carried a life-sized cross down the aisles and up a manufactured hill. With gusto, I was whipped in more ways than can be recounted. I was kicked and beaten by these Greek dudes that were 6’4”, 6’5” and 6’6” respectively. They had to be that big because I was 6’5” and 215 pounds. If they had procured men of average stature to wail on me and whatnot, it would have appeared as if The Incredible Hulk was getting his butt handed to him by a bunch of Herve Villechaize’s.

Not cool.

Not only did they bludgeon me to within an inch of my 24 years, they also pretended to nail me to the cross while I was straddled atop the splintery wood. When that fun stuff was done they would pick me up, cross and all, and drop me in this makeshift hole which was about two and a half feet deep. Like I said earlier, we didn’t play around!

So here was the problem.

Every time we practiced this cross nailing scene, we did so under bright gymnasium lighting and without any red accoutrements.


The first night of the performance, the Roman soldiers are up there fake-nailing me to the tree (What I’m actually doing is clutching two spikes). Only this time, this one ambitious combatant is squirting my hands profusely with all of this fake blood.

Not cool.

Now, my once was sure-grip is more like a goopy, squishy and slippery jumble! Worse still, its pitch black all around us. So when they go to pick me up, these numbskulls can’t find the darn hole!

Not cool.

Picture the Three Stooges here.

So there I am holding on for dear life while my cross is pitching violently like that little tug boat in the movie, The Perfect Storm! And adhering to those spikes, my only foot-hold as it were, are like trying to grasp hold of wet water balloons! Fake blood was oozing everywhere!

So now I’m thinking: I’m okay as long as the Romans keep me and the cross in a less than vertical position. But they didn’t! In all of their nervous and sweaty consternation they had started to lean me to the fore!

Not cool.

And I was thinking: Man, Sure as I’m standing here, I’m going to fall right off this thing! The girl below me who was playing my Mother had eyes the size of dinner plates. She was like, If Jon falls on me I’m pretty sure I’m going to die.
With each struggling second I was entertaining a host of negative suppositions. Things like: Even the people who don’t go to church regularly know that Christ didn’t fall off the cross!

I wasn’t going to fool anyone!

Then my pessimistic musings got worse and more desperate.

What if they fling me forward so fast that I fly off the cross, sail over the stage and land in the tuba section of the orchestra? How would I explain that one?

Jesus: Pardon me, could someone help me out of this here tuba, back atop the platform and up on that god-awful tree? I would be eternally grateful.

Meanwhile, my hands, wrist, fingers and forearms were cramping and throbbing in ways I wouldn’t wish on a Democrat. I was without hope, scared to death and miserably wracked with pain!

I just knew that I was going to fall off that cross!

The question remained: How would I play it off?

What exactly is one’s recourse after one has plunged from a piece of wood, killed their precious Mother and rewritten the entire Bible?


My bad?

Could I just lay here and play dead on the sound stage?

Please don’t put me back up there?

Fortunately for me, I didn’t have to find out! The dudes in Roman soldier attire found the black hole and dropped me in straightaway!

Forthwith I let out this bone-chilling shriek of unadulterated distress and ineffable anguish. To the audience they were probably thinking: Wow, great acting. I can really relate to his pathos!

Me personally, I was just glad to be in the hole.

I threw out a, “Forgive them Father for they know not what they do.” And the night was saved.

The next day, we beat the fake-blood-dispenser-guy to death!

Jon Genesis 21:6 Slone

Thursday, February 2, 2012


By Jon Slone

What’s six times seven?
Hold up Dad I know it!
The fat kid got it…
You better not blow it!

But blow it he does,
For little Gabe freezes.
And now it quite stings when little Gabe sneezes.
Cause Gabe caught a left hook,
Right to the nose!

The backhand came
And crushed it like a waffle!
And now that Gabe hates his Dad somethin’ awful!
And the fatty known also as the six times seven whiz.
Will be loathed even more than he already is.
And the Dad went on to get saved I suppose.

And the fat kid is me
Or maybe he’s you.
And as for that Gabe?
Well, he’s now forty-two.

Hey, that’s it!

Jon eweknewitwascoming Slone

Near-Future day (I love music part 3)

Near-Future Day (I love music part 3)
By Jon Slone

So I said in a post back on November fifth, that I would talk more about music in the near future. Guess what, today is, Near-Future Day!

With regards to musical groups and/or solo artists, here are my top-ten of all time, in order, from ten to one, also a small bit of comment to go along:

Dave Barnes
John Mayer
The Manhattan Transfer
The Beatles
James Taylor
Steely Dan
Paul McCartney
Chris Rice

Dave Barnes: Christian artist. Great voice (Raspy, soulful). Funny guy. Super talented. Writes all of his own material. Typically plays guitar. All around great sound.

Keane: If sad is beautiful…if melancholy makes for mind-blowing, ear-confection, then this group is who you want to figuratively snack on. If music is suppose to make you feel something, anything at all. Affect you powerfully, then this group does all of the above for me, can’t say enough praise-worthy things about them.

John Mayer: He’s taking his first steps down a willowy swath that was blazed by a Mr. Sweet Baby James.

The Manhattan Transfer: They sing every style imaginable and pull it off with staggering aplomb and comfortable ease.

The Beatles: Really? You guys don’t need to hear what I think, but since you are combing my blog,…I grew up liking the early stuff like, “I wanna hold your hand” and “I saw her standing there.” Now, as an adult, I’m blown away by their latter body of work like, The White Album, Revolver and Abby Road. Best song writing duo ever! Genius in simplicity! Remarkable!

James Taylor: To me, he does it all. His playing is spot-on. His arrangements and progressions on the guitar are detailed and difficult and yet he plays then with such ease as to make the listener think them simple. His voice is rainy-day-goodness! And his lyrics are pure uncut poetry! He is one of few artists that when he puts out a new CD, I first read his lyrics before hearing them set to music.

Steely Dan: Don’t even know where to begin with these guys. Funky, cool, slick, awesome, dope, bad to the bone, dark, cryptic, JAMuhlicious, mind-numbing! If that sounds like your cup of tea, run quickly to purchase no fewer than four of their albums: Can’t buy a thrill, The Royal Scam, Aja and Gaucho. I can easily say that the best discovery I’ve made in the last ten years was finding and spending time with, “The Royal Scam!” Side note: If you love drums and bass, the very best that the 70’s and 80’s had to offer are on Dan albums! Also, the best sound-recording of their seminal work is captured here. In other words, you won’t ever hear drums and bass sound better than on a Steely Dan recording!

Paul McCartney: The most excellent Beatle! He could have retired in 1970 and still been called one of the greatest ever. Instead, he went on to give us, “Silly Love Songs” “Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey” “Maybe I’m Amazed” “No more lonely nights” “C Moon” “My Love” “The Pound is Sinking” “Take it Away” the entire Band on the Run album….must I go on? He is literally the greatest song writer ever with over forty smash hits recorded post Beatledom…..are you frickin’ kidding me!

Chris Rice: Christian artist. This is one of few artists that I would like to be best friends with. This guy writes stuff that makes me go, “Wow!” Great voice, great sound, retardedly deep and promethean lyrics. He once put the word Prestidigitator in a song…..nuff said! Album to buy: Smell the Color Nine!

Chicago: The best! Especially from 1969 to either 1978 (When Terry Kath died) or arguably 1984 (When Peter Cetera left). 25 or 6 to 4……a song about not being able to write a song………brilliant! When Terry was alive these guys could do no wrong. They were as hard as Led, as soulful as Ray, as wild as Jimi, as smooth as….uh, well……..(Something really smooth)!

If you want to know my top 20 or top 50, just let me know.

Jon 25 Slone