Chicago's the greatest

Chicago's the greatest

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

St. Mary's of the Pricy Moo! (Do you guys take plasma?)

St. Mary’s of the Pricy Moo! (Do you guys take plasma?)
By Jon Slone

Wow, you guys eat at Arby’s much?

I didn’t know they made a nine dollar sandwich? It’s called a regular roast beef.

Are you kidding me.

If this keeps up they’re gonna have to add alternative methods for payment.

Maybe at the drive-thru they could add another window where you could hock family air looms or maybe a spacious aperture where some guy with a needle could drain off some of your plasma or blood (That’s if you want two sandwiches of course)

Jeez Louise.

They need to rename Arby’s: St. Mary’s of the Pricy Moo!

These numbers are ludicrous.

Have a listen:

Me: Hi, can I get three regular roast beef sandwiches, a small drink and a kid’s meal.
Arby’s: Would you like to donate a dollar to the “Help-me-leave-Arby’s-and-get-a-real-job fund?
Me: No thanks, I’m pretty sure this outlay is already gonna dip into my house payment.
Arby’s: You’re probably right about that sir (Sinister chuckle) thank you for your patronage…is the screen correct sir?
Me: I don’t know, the screen reads thirty seven dollars!
Arby’s: Yes sir, that is correct.
Me: Uh, yeah…scratch that first order…can I get one roast beef fold-over, a used kid’s toy and a small fry…I’ll take cold fries if that knocks off a few extra coppers.
Arby’s: Sir, we don’t do fold-over’s.
Me: Okay, what about a few roast beef leavings from the end of one of your roast beef slabs? It’s okay if some of said orts have been on the floor.
Arby’s: Sir I work at Arby’s and as such, I am completely in the dark as to the meaning of the words, leavings and orts. But if I may be so bold as to go by the contextual clues then I’m going to suppose you mean scraps?
Me: Yes I do.
Arby’s: (silence)
Me: Okay, how ‘bout this…cold fries, deformed toy, Dixie cup with water and a junior roast beef?
Arby’s: Okay sir, that’ll be 14 dollars and 87 cents.
Me: Do you guys take plasma?
Arby’s: I’m sorry, what?
(The sound of a car with a kid seat in the back screeching off)
Arby’s: Sir?...Hello, sir?
Me: Come on MacKenzie, let’s try the Bennett Point Grill.

Jon I-need-my-plasma Slone

By the by, this is what I look like everytime me and my wallet leave Arby's:

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